| Today, for some reason, I have decided not to put any additional title(s) to the heading of this week's Thursday's Open Thoughts, but to just leave the title as is, if one gets the drift.
It's somewhat overcast today here in Boston and the Bay State, generally. Winter can be a tough season to get through, whether it's a really bad winter or not, but, New England being New England, that's the way it goes. I'm not sure I'd want it any other way despite that, however. I might get bored without the four seasons, and I certainly wouldn't want to live down South, or in the Southwest, due to the same reasons I wouldn't want to live in the midwest or even Western Massachusetts, Northern New England, or even upstate New York; their weather patterns can be and often are extreme, as well.
The midwest is known to be a tornado alley, so many people, including my relatives who lives out there, have trap doors that're attached to, or right near their houses...for obvious reasons. Weather patterns have gotten stranger and stranger over the years, and more unpredictable, as global warming takes affect. From what little I've read and heard about it, however, I'd say that a good portion of it (though possibly not all) is a direct result of humankind's messing around with the environment too much. Technology, although necessary, is forever changing, and, while technological changes have often resulted in more positive outcomes (i. e. important medical breakthroughs, the production of better, safer cars and other products, etc., ) there's a trade-off; it's also had a somewhat negative affect on the environment and upset the normal cycles of Mother Nature. |
| I've been going to my TKD classes, doing my silver, and, a little bit later this morning, I have to go and tune a family friend's piano. Piano tuning is another skill that I learned at North Bennett Street School here in Boston and haven't forgotten, but piano tuning jobs seem harder to come by these days, or is it my imagination, or the economy. I'd like to be able to put out feelers and see if I could get more piano tuning jobs. I applied to one store, in Brookline, but have not heard from them.
I recently joined a forum aimed at corresponding with former classmates that one had while growing up and going to school. I had about 9 people sign my guestbook, but I realize one thing; Although I've enjoyed all four of my high school class reunions, it's occurred to me more and more that attempting any (real) connections with any of them on my part is probably not the best idea, and that, for me, the best connections were at the reunion, relatively short and sweet.
Sure, it would be nice if I could've been remembered as a sweet, cheerful, gentle, unselfish and interesting soul, but here's another price that I've paid for poor communication and social skills that've been innately built in there, probably even before birth, and, at large, the fact that I don't have too many social skills hasn't changed all that much.
I have enjoyed reading some of the stories that some classmates have put out, but it's possible that maybe things aren't what they seem to be with many of these people. Somehow, I bet that more people put up fronts than I realize. My parents had wanted to send me to a private school for my high school years, but the school that they'd been thinking of, called "House in the Pines", or "Shack in the Sticks", an all-girls' private school that the daughter of some friends of my parents (the daughter was in my grade) attended, located out in Norton, MA, which is in the southwestern central part of the state, but when my parents went to them in the hopes of applying for me to go there, they were told that there was no more room and not to even bother. So, I ended up going to Lincoln-Sudbury Regional High School.
There are times that I wonder if I could've done different throughout my high school years, and wonder where I'd be if i'd gone to a school, or at least enrolled in programs that would've trained me for something. Would I have had a better time in high school than I did? Who knows? My parents had thought that going to a small boarding private school would be more protective, due to people's developing closer relationships because they live together, and couldn't hurt each other, but I now realize that was the kind of belief that many people had during the mid to late 1960's, when many communes, co-ops, etc., developed and many experimental schools and living situations also existed. When my mom would mention that I wouldn't be as likely to get hurt in a smaller school where people lived together, thus enabling them to develop closer relationships, I told her that it wouldn't necessarily work, and that people can and do often hurt each other all the more when they live under close quarters.
Maybe my family wanted me to have sort of a "home away from home", where I'd supposedly be safe, and to presumably be in a more nurturing and inclusive setting, but I was not optimistic about that idea and didn't buy it.
The summer prior to entering my Junior year of high school, I attended a summer school session at the Cambridge School of Weston, to make it easier in certain subjects, such as Math and Chemistry in the fall. I lived in the dormitory despite only being in the next town over, and I'm glad I did. One girl in my dorm from Hingham, MA, who was also in my grade, had opted to attend "House in the Pines" school, after the passing of her father, and being tired of all the sympathy she was getting from classmates. From her, I heard some rather unsettling stories that made me more than glad that I hadn't gone there. First, "House in the Pines" was not only a real snob school, but the girls regularly made life miserable for each other by constantly cutting each other up (get the drift). Secondly, my dorm mate knew "Stephanie", and didn't like her one little bit.
I do admit, however, that I had certain ideas (or more exact, misconceptions) about private schools; that they wouldn't allow the latest rock-n-roll music, such as that of the Beatles to be played, either at dances or parties, or
that the social life in the schools would be overly structured and supervised. Who knows? The idea of my going to an all-girls' school repelled me, as rotten as my social life in the public schools, including high school were, and, yet, I was kind of glad, in many ways that I had gone to the public schools. It probably made me a bit stronger in many ways. I often spent time by myself, whether I wanted to or not, thus learning to enjoy my own company.
Would having gone to a different kind of school bettered my chances to go into one of the professional fields (i. e. a doctor, a nurse, etc.) later one? Would I have had a better social life than I did in the public schools? Would the other girls and I become friends? Would it have made me happier? Who knows. An old friend of mine, who'd moved to Newton, MA with her family during the summer prior to our entering the 8th grade, ended up going to an experimental school, also in Newton, called the Murray Rhodes school, for her Junior and Senior years of high school, where there was lots of folk-singing and other stuff. When we both graduated from high school and she was preparing to head off to college in the fall, we both spoke on the phone, relatively briefly. She said "I'm glad I went to the Murray Rhodes School. It was really good." After we hung up, I wondered if perhaps her having attended (the long-closed down) Murray Rhodes School had saved my old friend from being more unhappy. When I asked my mom if she thought that was so, she answered "It could've. I don't know." That was a good enough answer for me.
Despite my always being "down" about my social life and not being able to relate to boys, I realized, albeit years later, that there were many more people at my high school who were in the same situation as I was than I thought.
I never looked at the fact that my best friend (now happily married for 33 years, with two grown sons), didn't have a big social life in high school, and that plenty of other girls didn't either. I only looked at what I could envy, despite my elders pointing out to me that I had a tough enough time relating to and working with girls as it was. Attempts to get me involved and interested in the various political and social movements that were going on back then didn't work, either.
This kind of outlook has kind of stuck with me, in some respects; not being interested in taking the whole wide world in as family, thinking that globalization has been a disaster, not particularly interested in taking on causes, unless, of course, I think that there's something in a particular cause for me, and not wishing to risk my limb, life and overall health and well-being in order to become involved in a cause.
On thinking back on the idea of private schools, I've believed that altering one's environment, with some exceptions, of course, is not necessarily and always the best way towards more happiness and better schoolwork and social llfe. Sure, it's possible that with smaller classes, more individual attention would've been granted, perhaps improving my academic work, but would it have really? It wasn't until well after I was out of high school that I discovered that I wasn't really cut out for the academic world. Academics have always been my downfall, and the fact that I got mostly mediocre to poor grades in high school was an excellent indication of that. I never made the honor roll, nor was I known for cheerfulness, creativity, or maturity, let alone academic achievement.
When I reached young adulthood, it was still difficult for me to make friends, and, for a good long while, just the idea (albeit, perhaps, imagined) that the only way to having anything resembling real and deep friendships was to be in a group of other people with developmental problems, such as mine, kind of depressed me and bogged me down. It wasn't until I found other interests, however, that that particular idea was dispelled. I soon concluded that pursuing interests that really appealed to me was the best way to go, and I wouldn't be so bogged down with my own thoughts, and would make me feel less isolated and without a social life. I also began coming in contact with people of different backgrounds and political/social pursuasions, which also changed my outlook towards people with various problems and caused me to look at such people in a new light.
Part of it, I believe, was due to the fact that I had built up enough confidence so that my outlook was changed. I still would not wish to go into a group specifically catered for people with developmental problems, because I still believe that would be too isolating, but, if there are many different kinds of people in a group, including such people, it would more than likely be different, I think.
Anyway, I've got to sign off, uncover Aziza, because I hear her talking (she always does that in the morning, when she wants to be uncovered), and get ready to go on my piano-tuning job. Talk to you all later. |
